G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra Movie
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Storyline
TAGLINES
When All Else Fails, They Don't
Evil Never Looked So Good
Director Stephen Sommers (The Mummy, Van Helsing) adapts the beloved Hasbro G.I. Joe toy line with this Paramount Pictures production that pits the Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity against the evil forces of the organization known as Cobra. Dennis Quaid and Channing Tatum star as General Hawk and Duke Hauser, respectively, with Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Marlon Wayans leading the rest of the cast, including Sienna Miller, Ray Park, Rachel Nichols, Christopher Eccleston, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Saïd Taghmaoui, and Asian film star Lee Byung-hun.
| Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje | Heavy Duty |
| Christopher Eccleston | Destro |
| Joseph Gordon-Levitt | Cobra Commander |
| Byung-hun Lee | Storm Shadow |
| Sienna Miller | The Baroness |
| Rachel Nichols | Shana 'Scarlett' O'Hara |
| Jonathan Pryce | U.S. President |
| Saïd Taghmaoui | Breaker |
| Channing Tatum | Duke |
| Marlon Wayans | Ripcord |
| Dennis Quaid | General Hawk |
| Karolina Kurkova | Cover girl |
| Ray Park | Snake Eyes |
| Arnold Vosloo | Zartan |
| Stephen Sommers |
5.80 out of 10 (42558 votes)
Visitor Reviews
Another IP gets a movie, and pulls it off with some dignity
posted on 30 Aug 2009I heard of G.I. Joe before, but in my country it was never popular, so I had no idea about what to expect. Which turned out to be no problem, as the movie is telling the story of how it all began, with the introduction of the G.I. team which is the secret protector of Earth who steps in with amazing technology and the best of the best soldiers when everything else has failed. It's the story of how Joe found his way into this team, to become the legendary G.I. Joe.Other characters, evil and good, are also introduced through a series of brief flashbacks. You will be pretty educated about G.I. Joe and his arch enemy, the Cobra, when leaving the theater.To make it even less hardcore, they also added some romance in there, so it's safe to bring your date. I went with a female friend, and she liked it at least. But don't worry, the romance never gets in the way of the action. And that's what the movie is all about, action and special effects. It's not about the story or good acting.I guess the movie is what you'd expect to appear if Transformers 2 and The Day the Earth Stood Still fell in love and made a baby. It has swarms of destructive Nano bots, men in robot suits, lots of action, some romance with tomboy girls and pretty much gives the same feel. Looks more like its dad Transformers 2 though.I never found myself caught up in the movie at any point since it's never exciting as you always know what will happen before the characters in the movie figures it out, and it has no surprising plot turns in any way. It's just a long exercise in CGI-assisted action scenes, with a humorous tone to it. It will give you a few laughs.If you are picky about special effects you might catch a few scenes where the graphics looks pretty fake, which is in fact more rare than the opposite these days, but it still is pretty good eye candy.It's a movie that is soon forgotten, but which is still entertaining enough to be hypnotized to after a long stressful week. Remember to turn off your brain before watching and you'll be fine.
Hyper-Kinetic Hasbro Heroics
posted on 30 Aug 2009"Van Helsing" director Stephen Sommers pays tribute to several Hollywood blockbusters in his latest effort "G.I. Joe, The Rise of the Cobra," the second-live action film celebrating the legendary line of Hasbro action figures. Sommers makes allusions in "G.I. Joe" to the James Bond epics "Moonraker," "Thunderball," and "The Spy Who Loved Me" as well as the Clint Eastwood Cold War thriller "Firefox" and Jean-Claude Van Damme sci-fi flick "Universal Soldier. "G.I. Joe" bristles with larger-than-life heroes and villains clashing with super-charged weapons amid futuristic pyrotechnics. Not surprisingly, characterization takes a backseat to the high-octane, adrenalin-laced action sequences. Sadly, the formulaic storyline doesn't spring as many surprises as most big action films, but Sommers keeps the action moving swiftly.A treacherous Scottish arms dealer named James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston of "Dr. Who"), who is in league with a vast criminal organization called COBRA, has spent ten years creating a apocalyptic new weapon with NATO funding. McCullen's Mars Weapons Company have subverted microscopic green nanomites originally used to eliminate cancer into feisty little buggers can munch their way through either the armor on an army tank or the Eiffel Tower. McCullen presents this formidable weapon to NATO, and our two heroes, U.S. Army officers Duke (Channing Tatum of "Public Enemies") and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans of "Dance Movie"), escort it via a heavily armed convoy with Apache helicopters flying overhead as escorts. Out of nowhere the military escort is ambushed. A stealthy ninja in white, Storm Shadow (South Korean superstar Byung-hun Lee), and a spectacularly sexy kick-butt babe-in-black, the Baroness (Sienna Miller of "Factory Girl"), try to steal the suitcase containing the four warheads with the deadly nano technology. Duke recognizes the Baroness as a girl that he almost married. Fortunately, our heroes manage to hang onto the warheads because the elite G.I. Joe commando team intervenes and thwarts the villains. A black-clad ninja, Snake Eyes (Ray Park of "Fanboys"), crosses swords with Shadow Storm. As we learn afterwards, these guys have a history of hate. Later, the villains manage to reprogram a homing device in the suitcase and the Baroness and her team invades the G.I. Joe headquarters—called the Pit--deep beneath the desert sands of the Sahara in Egypt. They catch the heroes off guard, wound General Hawk, and steal the warheads.McCullen has teamed up with a malevolent scientific genius, the Doctor (Joseph Gordon-Levitt of "The Look Out"), who injects this nano serum into soldiers. We see one soldier thrust his arm into a glass case housing a venomous cobra and the snake bites him. The soldier withdraws his arm and the nano technology in his bloodstream repels the venom. You see it leak out of his wounds. We're talking some bad mothers here! McCullen wants to demonstrate to the world how lethal his cannibalistic nano technology is and dispatches his minions to Paris to destroy the Eiffel Tower. Meanwhile, Duke and Ripcord convince General Hawk (Dennis Quaid of "Vantage Point") to let them join the team in exchange for Duke's information about the Baroness. Duke had planned to marry her, but things got complicated when he made a promise to look after her brother during a raid in Africa. Our heroes pass all the grueling trials, including some devised by a combat instructor (Brendan Fraser of the "Mummy" movies in a cameo). Duke and Ripcord don a couple of accelerator outfits, created by the Stan Winston Studio, which enable them to hoof it around Paris at 40 miles per hour, dodge missiles streaking toward them, and hurtle cars like daredevils, as they pursue the Baroness and Shadow Storm. This qualifies as the best action scene in "G.I. Joe." At 118 minutes, "G.I. Joe" rarely sacrifices its momentum, except to plunge us into frequent flashbacks so we can learn important events that shaped the lives of the heroes and the villains. The Stuart Beattie, David Elliot and Paul Lovett screenplay isn't for an instant remotely believable, but the action is pretty exciting. Unfortunately, predictability sets in early, enough so that a couple of revelations lack sufficient punch. Furthermore, Sommers and his scribes shun any effort to create characters here because that would interfere with the hyper-kinetic action sequences.Sommers directs with a sure hand, but the humor that made his previous movies so charming is conspicuously absent. The chief villain mimics the James Bond villain Drax from "Moonraker" (1979) because he steals his own weapons back from the military. Later, Ripcord pilots a state-of-the-art "Firefox" jet with a sophisticated weapons system that responds to vocal commands instead of hands-on application. He has to chase two deadly missiles before each destroys major world capitals, another cliffhanger "Moonraker" ploy, and blast them to smithereens. The massive polar ice cap base that the COBRA organization has built recalls another Bond bonanza "The Spy Who Loved Me." Kevin J. O'Connor and Arnold Vosloo are two other "Mummy" cast members who show up here, and Vosloo gets to impersonate the President. The nanomites recall the scarabs that swarmed throughout "The Mummy." People who loved the "G.I. Joe" cartoon show might be in a better, more informed position to criticize this actioneer. However, it should be known that Ripcord wasn't an African-American in the cartoon but the villains did launch an assault on the Eiffel Tower. The performances here are serviceable. Channing Tatum seems rather leaden, but then most action heroes are one-dimensional. Our heroes aren't as flamboyant as the villains. Christopher Eccleston chews the scenery with considerable relish like his nanomites and makes a fantastic villain, while Joseph Gordon-Levitt makes the most of his evil doctor. Although it isn't as audacious as "Transformers 2," "G.I. Joe" ranks as an above-average testosterone thriller, with an ending that leaves the film open to an inevitable sequel.
Snake Eyes is the only good thing
posted on 30 Aug 2009As a fan of the original series i was not pleased on how accurate the characters were. The only one that was close is Snake Eyes(who is a total bada**) Character flaws (Contains Spoilers) Snake Eyes - in the movie it says that snake eyes was mute because of a vow of silence when really he was in a helicopter accident and had his face scarred and was left mostly mute. Also he should have blonde hair but instead he has brown (kid version) Scarlett - Should have a relationship with Snake Eyes but instead goes for Ripcord???? really......Baroness - Is controlled by cobra?? and her brother is Rex which should really be named Eugene. Had a relationship with Duke in the past which should have never happened. She should be with Destro.Storm Shadow - In the movie he kills his master which should not happen, he was only blamed for it. He and Snake Eyes should be like best friends but Storm Shadow hunts for his uncles killer after he is blamed and later gets brainwashed by Cobra.Zartan - Can only change his appearance through nanomachines instead of illusions and holograms.Cobra Commander - you see his face.....YOU SEE HIS FACE! >:O and he is Baroness's brother Rex??? really..... come on....Accelerator suits are garbage. The Joe's are supposed to be the best of the best military personnel. They never wore performance enhancing suits.I know they wanted to modernize this series and make it all action packed but these character flaws should not be this bad. It would not be hard at all to make the characters how they should be.If you took all the scenes with Snake Eyes and left the rest out it would be 10 times better than seeing the whole thing
When all else fails, they don't? True, at least this year...
posted on 30 Aug 2009Forget about how stupid some lines can get (and that's a difficult one, with things like "Nice shoes" or "that's the first fight I've ever lost since I was five" or even when Destro actually becomes Destro). Forget about the annoying habit every character has of explaining every single part of the plot. Forget about how cliché or unimportant the newly introduced characters can be (For the Love of Bono, they have names like Dr. Mindbender and Heavy Duty!!!) Forget about how predictable and even disappointing the end can get. Done? OK, now you can actually enjoy G.I: Joe: Rise of Cobra! You see, the important thing about ROC is that they KNOW this isn't meant to be taken seriously. It's just harmless fun. Last time I went to look for that, I was shocked by one of the worst movies I've ever seen: Transformers 2:ROTF. And this year has been A Series of Unfortunate Events if I ever saw one: Wolverine, Terminator, Transformers. Definitely, a year to forget. Sure there have been masterpieces like Star Treak and Watchmen (I loved them both, so you may be, by now, beginning to understand what's the difference between you and me on movie tastes), but ROC is the first DUMB movie of the year that is actually good.So how can I have liked ROC and hated ROTF if they are pretty much the same movie? Well, yea ROC has everything Transformers had, but done in the correct way. Explotions, action? Check. And these look good enough, not the metal orgy you had on ROTF. Hot chicks? Check, and on waaaay more likable characters than the overrated Megan Fox or the Terminatrix (yes, the one that appears on Transformers). Comedy? Check, still kinda stupid and stuff but not offensive and racist as ROTF. Cartoon characters? Check. And not nearly as obnoxious and idiotic as Shia's excuse of a troubled teenager.It's just a ride. A dumb easily forgotten ride, but a fun one nonetheless. As long as you don't go expecting Kusturica, I promise you at least you won't get Bay.
Excellent, fast-paced action flick.
posted on 30 Aug 2009G.I. Joe is a thrilling experience.Yes, on RT it dropped from 93 - 41 pretty much overnight and it's not faring excellently on IMDb with a 6.3 either. Don't let these bad ratings throw you off.It is an excellent action film. I think most will agree that the action sequences are well directed, engaging, and pretty damn kickass. It's certainly an edge of the seat experience right through the film. While that may be entertaining, it has its shortcomings too. The cast and acting is average. For many this doesn't bother them, but you've been warned. The plot is passable. While it's not complex or very sophisticated at all it's sufficient, well paced and really brings out those action sequences.I've never been into the G.I. Joe figurines so I can't say much as to whether it delivers on its legacy, though many comment that they were disappointed because of the axed characters and modified storyline. Yes, many characters were dropped but I'd imagine it'd be quite difficult to have more than 8 characters in leading roles. So I actually appreciate this decision on the directors part. The storyline still contains the main elements present in the GI Joe franchise.The foremost point to remember is to not compare this with the action figures. It probably doesn't deliver on the franchise but as an individual film, the director's vision has created an excellent piece.In closing, if you're looking for a STANDALONE well-paced and exciting flick, you won't be disappointed.
Ordinary popcorn movie
posted on 30 Aug 2009This movie may have a questionable script, some sub-par actors (Some were surprisingly good for a popcorn movie which is applaudable) and some Team America style action (They seemed to cause a lot more damage to Paris then the terrorists plan to) but the film can not help but be entertaining. It has what Transformers 2 had which was good special effects, but what Transformers 2 lacked was entertainment which this movie definitely has, even if it is n't a very good movie from a movie point of view.While lots of people and critics alike are going to bag the hell out of this film, I think as long as you go in with an open mind a low expectancy of the movie to hold any sort of realism you will have a pretty good time, which is really the reason the film was made (After the money of course).Overall, this film is a good watch for non fans of the series at least but, not having seen the cartoon I cant speak for existing fans of G.I. Joe but I had a good time, and I think a lot of other people will 2 as long as they can maintain an open mind.
The best action flick this summer.
posted on 30 Aug 2009While Star Trek and Transformers 2 were my favorite action movies this summer, G.I. Joe came in and blew both out of the water completely!! The action is so non-stop and exhilarating that your jaws will drop immediately of how awesome the action sequences is, it just never lets up!! The acting is all right (better than both Transformers combined): Every girl's dream Channing Tatum did all right but started to go downhill throughout, Dennis Quaid as General Hawk was good with his role, Rachel Nichols as Scarlett was hot as usual and good with her role, The always-sexy Sienna Miller as Baroness was pretty good, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as Heavy Duty did a good job, Joesph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander was awesome, Said Taghmaoui as Breaker did good and provied most of the humor in the movie and Marlon Wayans as Ripcord(probably did the best acting of the lot) showed not only his serious side but his funny side as usual, he was funny.G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is not the best action film ever made but it is the best action flick of this summer. It's just a big budget brainless, always fun and extremely entertaining popcorn movie. Also, I came with high expectations with this movie because it just looked like my type of movie, a mix of: Star Trek, Transformers and Iron Man. All three movies that are some of my favorite action movies ever, G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra joins the list of my favorite action movies. If you were a fan of the toys, go see this and you will NOT be disappointed at all. If your a fan of movies like this: Star Trek, Transformers or Iron Man like me, go see this awesome action flick!!
Don't waste your money.
posted on 30 Aug 2009First off, I would like to say that I created an IMDb account for the sole purpose of warning others about this terrible crap movie. At first, I was really excited to see the GI Joe movie. I got to the movie theater, and my friends and I were the only ones in the theater. I didn't think anything of it, I just thought that being alone would make the movie even better. Now I know why I was the only one in the theater. GI Joke was a horrible movie. It is a contender for the coveted title of the worst movie of the year. This movie was awful. I have pooped out better movies than this. The acting-crap. The casting-terrible (who cast Marlon Wayans in a serious part?) Character Development-absent Fight scenes-overdone and absurd Special effects-decent, but not good enough to distract me from all the suck around it. The only cool part was when they were chasing the car in Paris, but I have a hard time believing that one of the guys could catch up with the other after falling back like half a mile, but neither of them could gain thirty feet to catch the car they were chasing. This movie was sooooooooo cheesy and predictable. Who would have thought that duke and Anna would end up together? Who would have thought that snake eyes would killed his brother in the final showdown, and still keep his vow of silence? Who would have thought that Marlon wayans would have ended up with the redhead? And what the **** is up with cobra commander? He's just darth vader with a monocle. And why in gods green earth would they show you cobra commander's face?!? That's unacceptable. Shame on the writers, shame on the directors, shame on the actors, producers, and editors for making such a disgraceful movie as this. Do yourself a favor and burn your ten dollars. It'll be more amusing than spending it to watch this crap.
Wow, its so bad its entertaining, I laughed so much
posted on 30 Aug 2009Okay, so this has to be one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I was kick-out out of District 9 which is supposed to be orgasmic and so I watched about 20 minutes of this before having to release my mind from being numb and go watch Harry Potter. In the time I watched this I saw all I needed to. I will describe just a few minor aspects. Action will be the first. From the second I got inside the theater I was blinded with a collage of mind blowing explosions, ridiculous stuff to say the least, jet packs, flying spaceships, bombs, grenades. It would dwarf the fight at Normandy. Right afterward this guy and girl start talking and have a little flirty/romantic and funny conversation. This is right after some life changing horrific fight in which all their friends died. Then each consecutive scene was the same, just off the charts action. One scene a guy went running towards a building to get his friend out before an air strike, yes an air strike and about 10 feet away the bombs land. Yes, 10 feet away bombs landed from this courageous friend and throw him flying and he just gets up and walks away. Dude, he got about 10 feet off the ground!!!!!!! He would be so burned, dead, toasted!!!!!! Then, I have another small rant. Whats with GM advertising their crap in everything, I see H2s in every CSI show, every movie, and they're always used as bad ass manly vehicles. Dude, they are 40,000 cars with chrome, TVs, leather seats, those pieces of crap are the most despicable ridiculous cars I've ever seen, hey, if you want to have one I won't insult you, but don't ever for a second imagine they are manly or bad ass or tough, thats what Jeeps are, that why Jeeps don't have air conditioning, power windows, locks, or seats. Every single scene in this movie managed to have a massive black H2 somewhere getting blown to bits or chased or jumping or wrecking or being bad ass. It just made me mad to see every single scene somehow sneak in one of those monstrosities. The scene towards the end in Paris! Wow, trying to write a fitting response to it would be an adventure Jules Verne could only explain. So its a car chase, like I said, if there are cars they will be H2s, so yes, the bad guys and good guys both have H2s, what a coincidence!!! At one point a rocket is shot and careens the rear end of the bad guys and the car jumps into the air somewhere between 15 and 20 feet and lands. Dude, a ROCKET! That would blow a tank to bits, it would rock a whole street block, but hey! Its an H2, so it keeps on trucking. Then a guy gets on the side of the bad guys H2 and starts hitting the passengers, the driver turns into a mac truck and knocks him off. So now the car has been hit by a rocket and hit a mac truck, but hey! Its an H2, so it keeps on trucking. Then, as described before, a series of explosions occur that numbed my brain to such a degree I can't fully recall the other potentially catastrophic explosions and accidents that befall the bad guys H2 BUT THEN!!!!!!!!!! After a short scene showing the good guys, the bad guys H2 is shown IMACULATE, yes, and not like an accident little shot or anything like that, but for the rest of the scene, its perfect. After it got off the ground, blown up, hit, wrecked, beat up, shot and all this other stuff. This is what I believe sums the whole movie. A clusterfuch of ridiculously overwhelming violence and explosions that just numb the brain and its shown like its normal. The director doesn't even care to show the characters remorse or emotion, its played off like nothing, no one feels pain and of course the H2s keep on trucking. Also, I would like to note that the ninja in the movie is Korean. Ninjas are Japanese! He doens't speak English and its so obvious it made me hurt. He either has a mask and is so poorly dubbed or turns his head every time he speaks it just hurts to see how bad a movie can really be. The logistics to this whole movie are so bad I couldn't even concentrate on what the plot was. At one point this bomb was going off but it was like a gas cloud eating the Eiffle Tower and the GI Joe hits a deactivate button to end the gasses from expanding. Dude, thats so ridiculous it makes me laugh. This movie made me feel pain, laughter, regret, and loss of hope for the action movie industry. Its a pain to behold its true greatness as the worst movie I've ever seen.
Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow
posted on 30 Aug 2009I found this to be a fun enjoyable action movie. But like some of the other summer blockbusters it wasn't perfect. In terms of action, it never lets up. The set pieces, as computer generated as they are, are really good. Although I found some of the special effects in some of the scenes rather choppy...but they can be easily overlooked. It delivers on action, but not on story which was pretty basic really. A group of soldiers team up to save the world against an evil group of terrorists and one soldier, gets the girl at the end of it all. That's it! Stephen Sommers is not the kind of director whose interested in plot as much as he is action. So this he's given us another special effects laden movie, with no story. Performance wise, Sienna Miller as Baroness was great, Marlon Wayans was annoying and funny at the same time and Joseph Gordon Levitt also did a good job with his character Cobra Commander. I can't say the same for some of the others. Channing Tatum continues where he left off with Fighting, he was truly awful, as was Chris Ecclestone who struggled with his Scottish accent throughout the entire film. Best thing about this movie is Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, who have this Streetfighter, Ken and Ryu rivalry between them. Every time they fought on screen it was great and in my opinion those two were the best thing about this movie. Even the fight scenes they had in their flashbacks were great. All in all, G.I Joe is a good old fashioned summer blockbuster, much better than Transformers 2 and Wolverine.
crap sandwich is just one of many terms i could use to describe this movie
posted on 30 Aug 2009I don't often use the phrase "crap sandwich", but i feel it accurately describes the G.I. Joe movie. While i didn't really go in expecting much, but it somehow dropped below my expectations. First off I will say that the plot had some potential, not that it could have been great but it could have been OK. But really the plot felt like it was just there to give a reason for the special effects to be there. Now the special effects were great, but you cant build a movie purely on special effects. it's like filling a cup with icing and calling it a cupcake. by the way, if the razzies did a worst movie with best special effects award, this would definitely win. the action could have been choreographed much better because it feels like watching the old power ranger show from the 90s. the costume design and other design elements felt like they looked at the most successful video games of the past couple years and said "hey that looks cool, let's throw it in." examples would be the suits seem like they ripped off crysis, the enemy soldiers look like they were taken from the main characters of army of two, and i could waste more space on saying what else they ripped off but i still have to ridicule the rest of this. The acting was stiff as a board and the parts that were supposed to be dramatic just kinda made me laugh, which i'm not sure i've ever giggled at a funeral scene that wasn't meant to be funny but the one in this movie is possibly the most cliché one you'll ever see. the wrong actors were chosen for the characters they played, but if you put a few in different parts they might have been fine. throw in some badly placed but funny catch phrases from the cartoon in such as "knowing is half the battle" and there is the crap sandwich called GI joe. all in all this is just a long toy commercial that i would have been better off never seeing. DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY ON THIS ONE.
Not Too Bad, Not Too Good, Certainly Not "Just Right"
posted on 30 Aug 2009Transformers 2 has just passed Revenge of the Sith for #9 on the all-time domestic box- office charts. I rated it as "2: awful" (no accounting for tastes, I guess), so I just shook my head at the news and dreaded having to attend its Hasbro extended-infomercial stablemate G. I. Joe. It wasn't nearly so bad. Not that it was actually good, you understand, but at least it had a followable James Bondian, "evil genius wants to rule the world" plot with a few minor surprise twists, some identifiable (if consistently 2-D) characters, some really impressive CGI visuals, and action that was slowed down instead of sped up at crucial points, making it easier to follow.The cast is listed in alphabetical order (apparently so as not to upstage the characters Hasbro's trying to peddle), so you have to be attentive to notice that Channing Tatum and Marlon Wayans (down near the end of the alphabet) are the ostensible heroes as Capt. Duke Hauser and (unknown rank) Ripcord (unmentioned family name), respectively. Wayans, who made his chops as one of the funnyman Wayans brothers, has some mildly comic bits, but nothing that would detract from his primary persona as an action hero. Rachel Nichols (good gal Scarlett) and Sienna Miller (bad gal Ana) supply the eye candy, with Dennis Quaid (Gen. Hawk) and Jonathan Pryce (The Prez) in minor supporting roles providing what little gravitas the film can muster.Mars Technologies, run by the latest of the arms-peddling McCullen clan (replete with thick Scottish accent) has been selling both offensive weapons and defensive fortifications to opposing sides in various global conflicts. (The modern McCullen learned one lesson from his "man in the iron mask" ancestor who pioneered that business practice: Don't get caught doing it.) The latest innovation from Mars is nanomites, teensy metallophages capable of rapid reproduction in a metal-rich environment such as, oh, say, the Eiffel Tower. As the movie opens, the 1st 4 nanomite warheads are being driven from the Mars factory in Kyrgyzstan to their NATO purchasers when the convoy (including our heroes) is ambushed by some spiffily high-tech ninja types. But then there's a counterattack from what turns out to be the top-secret G. I. Joe force, and Duke and Rip, having learned that it exists, are recruited to serve.After that it's all wham-bang, smash-boom, robot-suited shoot-em-ups, but done quite well, with occasional moments of heroic introspection, evil cackling villainy, and brief "origin of" flashbacks in between.It's PG-13, which means there's an abundance of killing but a dearth of blood and leftover body parts; a plethora of beautiful, healthy, physically fit bodies but no sex; and a thesaurus full of braggadocio and posturing but no cussing.Not too bad, not too good, but I sure wouldn't call it "just right". 5.
Weak
posted on 30 Aug 2009I couldn't make it through this movie. I got my money back about halfway through. I didn't give it a 1 because the effects and action were almost competent and the opening was kind of cool, but even these the strongest points of the movie were still weak. We have seen it all before and better. It is obvious they spent money on this film, but the plot is contrived (I'll avoid spoilers), every action sequence is telegraphed and then rubbed in you face. You see each stunt coming a mile away (sometimes literally). The acting is wooden. The characters are caricatures, less that one dimensional. I won't even begin to go into how bad the science, technology, geopolitics, etc.. of the movie is.I know, people aren't supposed to take a movie like this seriously, but its hard to play along when things get this ridiculous. If this was a Saturday morning cartoon it might be worth the price of admission and little kids might not see the glaring weaknesses, but this is a big budget movie and they should have tried harder. Cartoons can be made into good movies, the Transformers worked, Iron Man worked. This movie belongs on the trash heap alongside the He-Man movie and Cat Woman. If you watch all the trailers you have seen anything worth seeing in the movie. OK, I admit since I didn't make it to the end I don't know that for sure, but it is not worth the risk.
Go, Joe!
posted on 30 Aug 2009To address the naysayers...I was more of a Barbie girl than a G.I. Joe aficionado in my youth so I don't know or care if this movie was true to any original or not. My kids and husband wanted to see this so I conceded...and I'm sooo glad I did. The plot and script were expectedly predictable but well done, I enjoyed the intermittent comedic one-liners, the action was appropriately intense and not too bloody, the martial arts fights were exciting, and I loved the special effects and all the high-tech toys and gadgets. I so gotta get myself a set of those invisible camouflage BDUs that "Scarlett" wore and the suit that "Duke" and "Ripcord" donned to run thru the streets of Paris. My fat days and morning commutes would never be the same!The good guys and bad guys were all strong, formidable and easy on the eyes (except for the ones who weren't supposed to be!) and they all delivered their fair share of gratuitous cans of whoop-arse. Oddly, I had done no research before seeing this movie and didn't even know who the stars were gonna be. I was therefore very pleased to see a few of my favorites like Dennis Quaid, Marlon Wayans, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Arnold Vosloo and an apparently uncredited Brendan Fraser. Bonus props, too, for the Black Eyed Peas' "Boom Boom Pow" playing during the closing credits - excellent choice.So why a 9 and not a 10? Two very minor things...although Channing Tatum is super-hot (meow!), my opinion is that his acting was a tad awkward and he didn't seem to fit with the rest of the cast. Sorry, Mr. Tatum. And I was oddly preoccupied by this weird urge to fix Sienna Miller's very obvious wig because it didn't seem to be positioned correctly. I became distracted by an imagined fear that her long, dark, faux locks would shift or slide off her head completely. Incidentally, she managed to keep her tresses in place without my help. Despite my mane anxiety, though, Ms. Miller rocked as an against-her-will femme fatale. Besides, my hubby and sons assured me that her hair was not what they were focusing on anyway.So if you like action pics with lots of pretty people and the good guys winning in the end (or did they?), this movie will not disappoint. I'm already looking forward to Joe #2.
Heck Yeah!
posted on 30 Aug 2009I heard a lot of people gave this movie a really low rating. Honestly, I don't know why. It's a summer action movie based on a line of action figures. If you were looking for a serious movie about America's armed forces, then you're in the wrong place. But if you want a summer movie with lots of intense action, then GI Joe is your movie. I loved this movie!This movie is very faithful to the franchise. The casting was great, with Dennis Quaid leading the Joes, and Christopher Eccleston heading the MARS corporation (later renamed COBRA). The only actor I had a problem with was Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the Doctor. His backstory didn't really give an explanation for his descent into evil and madness, it just said that he got greedy. And then, there was his appearance; when I first saw him in the movie, I thought, "What's Professor Snape doing in this movie?"As in all of Stephen Sommers movies, everything is huge! From the action scenes to the visual effects, everything is "sommersized". The action was nonstop. Seriously, I was on the edge of my seat for a good part of the movie. It was also really cool to see the sci-fi weapons and vehicles that the franchise was known for. Some people may have thought it was unbelievable, but I thought it would be more unbelievable if they fought with just guns, tanks and planes.In short, GI Joe was a fun, intense, action movie. If you're willing to suspend your disbelief and are looking to escape the real world for two hours, go see it.Yo Joe!
Strangely decent in its own way. ....
posted on 30 Aug 2009Without going into too much detail I had to go and see this film as part of my work. I was not looking forward to seeing it as I really did not think it was the sort of film that would appeal to me, imagining it to be a hybrid between street fighter and transformers. In some ways I wasn't disappointed. The corniness is definitely there in abundance. The special effects at times were hard pushed to seem realistic and the storyline was quite amazingly far fetched. And normally all the above would not make for a good film, as far as I am concerned anyway. But strangely this film was an interesting watch. I cant for one minute imagine it will ever force its way into anybody over 11's top ten film but there was something uncomfortably enjoyable about it. I certainly am not into the comic strip although must admit to having one of the action force figure 25 years ago. But that is not the attraction. The film for me is a complete mismatch of parts which all join together to make one good whole. In between the brief love story and at times funny humour is a film which is action packed for a whole one and half hours. The storyline, although far fetched moves as quick as the action scenes so you are never left thinking 'Yawn....too long'. The ending not only satisfies the viewer but also leaves enough scope for a sequel which I can definitely see coming sooner rather than later. Your imagination or process of thought will not be stretched by any means, but what you have here is a jolly decent movie flick which despite its 12a rating I think is suitable for most ages.
15 reasons why The Rise of Cobra Movie is everything G.I. Joe isn't!!!
posted on 30 Aug 2009Filled with entire disappointment a lot of people at the movie theater with astonishment saw my angered expression, when I stood up at the end of the hideous film and cried out loud: That is not G.I. Joe!!! I entered the movie theater with a programmed mindset in hopping that the post I made nearly a month ago in my blog about the Joe's movie, would be totally wrong.Unfortunately, as G.I. Joe footage passed on my unconvincing eyes... I couldn't trick my mind no more, till it screamed inside: Your instincts where right, the G.I. Joe Movie totally sucks!!! At this point, I don't know which goes for the title of the worst comic movie adaptation ever: Either Dragon Ball Evolution or G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra!!! What I do know, is that the G.I. Joe Movie is not only disrespectful to fans, but I'll give you 15 reasons why it is not true original G.I. Joe comic book film material: 1) Destro used the metal mask by family tradition. Never imposed by the Cobra Commander itself.2) Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow met and where great buddies in Vietnam. Not rival kids as the movie says.3) It was Zartan who killed the Hard Master, not a deceiving Storm Shadow kid as the movie portrays it.4) Originally, Storm Shadow never took off his mask.5) Cobra Commander's transformation is never to the breathing mask. It is to the classic chrome helmet or hoodie mask. That was the BIGGEST disappointment in the film!!! 6) Ripcord was an expert and skilled halo skydiver, not a pilot.7) Scarlett was in love with Duke and at some time had a crush on Snake Eyes, not Ripcord.8) Snake Eyes didn't do a vow of silence for the Hard Master's assassination. It was because his face was partially disfigured in a helicopter accident.9) Cobra Commander became evil by the sorrow he felt of his brother's car accident death. Not because he was given as MIA (Missing In Action) as the film lies to tell, as a result of a bomb run on a facility target.10) The original Pit was secretly based under Stanten Island not under the desert, that was way much later and happened first in Utah and then moved to Arizona.11) It was the Cobra Commander and Destro who originally attacked the Pit for the first time.12) Cobra Commander and the Baroness where never brother and sister.13) The Baroness was from the start in love with Destro, not Duke.14) It was Destro who created the Iron Grenadier Soldiers, not the Cobra Commander.15) Cobra Headquarters, where based in an island somewhere secretly hidden in the Gulf of Mexico."So when everything else fails, the movie also fails in": Bad voice dialogues, really crappy CGI effects as a matter of fact It looks like if you are watching a demo, corny romance story, bad plot and Sigma 6 emphasis not the classic G.I. Joe every fan expected.The only good thing and true to series is the Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow rivalry and the hot, very hot Baroness outfit, without leaving apart the smokin Scarlett gal outfit also. But for everything else the movie The Rise of Cobra is a torture to your eyes!!!
A terrific summer blockbuster.
posted on 30 Aug 2009This is without a doubt one of the years best films. It had everything. Here is the good & the bad.The Good:The CGI was pretty good, but not the best (See Transformers 2 in that regard); but the main reason was, Transformers also had about another $100 million in their budget! With a bigger budget, The CGI could have been perfected.The Special Effects were some of the best ever. The Eiffel Tower falling down was without a doubt, the best effect of the movie. It actually looked like the real Eiffel Tower.The action was absolutely amazing. All of it was really well choreographed, very gripping, & easy to follow. The best scene was the Accelerator-Suit chase. It was hands down one of my personal favorite scenes in movie history.The acting was very good. Channing Tatum is not a great actor, but did a good job. Dennis Quaid did an exceptional job as General hawk. Although Ray Park didn't say anything, He was awesome as snake eyes. The other cast was terrific as well.The locations were gorgeous. They also make the movie worth watching.There was also quite a bit of humor in the movie. That was unexpected.Both Sienna Miller & Amy Adams looked B-E-A-U-tiful. The movie is worth watching just for them alone.For the teenage girls out there: Channing Tatum looks like his normal self. Also, he takes off his shirt in one scene.The Bad:Yes, this movie is very unrealistic, BUT WHO THE HECK CARES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? You don't watch movies like this for the realism, you watch them for the action & special effects; both of which there were plenty of in this film.Overall, an amazing action film that everyone will love. 10/10 stars.
G.I. Average Joe
posted on 30 Aug 2009"When all else fails, they don't." However like most of the other movies this summer, G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra also failed. The CGI had its moments, comedic at points and astounding at others, though for a movie that ran off of it I was expecting it to be more impressive. The acting was obviously not Oscar-worthy but it is definitely razzie-worthy. Perhaps it was the weak script, or perhaps Hollywood just needs to realize how horrible of an actor Channing Tatum is. I'm sure that this movie was not done very well as it seems to be targeted towards a younger crowd (which contradicts itself by donning a PG-13 rating) but even though it has its weak points it is still entertaining. Sadly it set itself up for a sequel, but I don't think that it will go any further than a script, if that.
Another Spectacle for Empty Minds
posted on 30 Aug 2009Only my girlfriend's nephew and the cats and dogs outside made me last through this mindless mess. And I thought Jason Statham's recent movies are pathetic! I would like to write a longer review, but the storyline is not worth it, the acting is not worth it, the whole movie is simply not worth wasting of any additional time. All I remember is explosions and shooting anyway. And the Eiffel Tower neatly situated in Prague (and no, the crew did not even bother to strip off the Czech signs in the streets of "Paris"). I cannot even praise the movie for its soundtrack - all music disappeared behind all the blasts. This movie truly was awful.