Hell Ride Movie
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Storyline
TAGLINES PLOT SUMMARY
The story deals with the characters Pistolero, the Gent and Comanche and the deadly, unfinished business among them.
| Larry Bishop | Pistolero |
| Dennis Hopper | Eddie 'Scratch' Zero |
| Michael Madsen | The Gent |
| Vinnie Jones | Billy Wings |
| Eric Balfour | Comanche |
| Kanin J. Howell | Opium |
| Michael Beach | Goody Two-Shoes |
| Cassandra Hepburn | Lana/Pistolero's Old Lady/Exotic Beauty |
| Leonor Varela | Nada |
| Laura Cayouette | Dani |
| Julia Jones | Cherokee Kisum |
| Francesco Quinn | Machete |
| Alison McAtee | The Swede |
| David Grieco | Dr. Cement |
| Theresa Alexandria | Carmen |
| Larry Bishop |
5.80 out of 10 (1918 votes)
Visitor Reviews
Hilarious!
posted on 12 Aug 2009This film is so bad it's hilarious. I watched Hell Ride half thinking it was a comedy, although I couldn't quite work out if they were actually taking the p*ss, or if this really was a serious attempt at making something decent. I notice it isn't listed here as a comedy so they must be serious! It's basically seems to be about a gang of pensioners who ride round on motorcycles shooting at each other and exchanging the most hilariously bad dialogue you can imagine. One scene inexplicably has two characters smashing bottles over each others heads, then showing each other 'get out of jail free' cards that they've made! Also check out Vinnie Jones' accent, where the hell is he meant to be from?!? Oh and there's a load of naked girls in it too, who for some unfathomable reason seem to want nothing more than to have none stop sex with these leathery skinned b*stards! The guy who wrote and directed it - a Pee Wee Herman lookalike with a Greeshan 2000'd beard and an orange sunbed tan - has for some reason cast himself in the lead role, maybe this is part of the joke, I don't know. Actually, the more I think about it the more I'm sure this film is a p*ss take. It's produced by Quentin Tarantino and it's possible he's released this in humour as a bit of a laugh. It is a total rip off of Tarantino's style, but just done really really badly. It is very amusing though, and I guess either way it could go down as a cult classic, either from being an amusing parody of the Tarantino/Rodriguez style, or something that is very very unintentionally funny. Has to be seen to be believed.
Fun movie...
posted on 21 Jul 2009If you're looking for an artistic epiphany, watch another movie. If you want to be entertained by a biker flick, this is your movie. People who don't ride or are not into rockabilly themes and hot-rods will miss the idea. Yes, the plot is a side note, the film is mostly entertaining because of the hot chicks, hot bikes, and action. That said, that is idea. It doesn't matter where they're riding, what they're doing, or why they're doing hot chicks... the point is that they're doing it. Some people will think that the movie is silly, or actors trying to be cool. They fail to realize people live this lifestyle and want their own movie. It is all entertainment is meant to be: sex, drugs, violence, subtle humor, and action.
Pretentious and egoistic
posted on 19 Jul 2009"OK, now that I got the money, I can make my own homage. I can show people how cool I am and that I INVENTED stuff used in Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs and Grindhouse. I'm gonna be the coolest and the toughest M.F. ever! Guys will envy me for my coolness and the chicks that can not resist me." That's probably what Larry Bishop thought when writing and directing this movie. It is so awful that I can not describe it. Dialogues are pretentious, boring and absolutely out-of-context. Dialogues with "chicks" are even worse, it's like a Bosnian (no offense, I am Bosnian myself) porn movie intended for Western market that never made it.So, dear Larry, you should have screened this piece of junk at your home for your family and friends only. And even they would applaud you just from pure courtesy.
from a girl's point of view
posted on 13 Jul 2009Once upon a time there was a beautiful maiden who was slain by evil rogues, leaving behind a lost child, a lost treasure and a promise (for a loyal warrior to uphold.) If you strip (no pun intended) away the blood and nudity you are left with a unique, beautiful story. I admit ,in the first 20 minutes I was confused by the many characters; what they all meant in the context of this modern day fairytale. But through the many deaths of bad guys, many tongue in cheek jokes, and very unique looking strippers, it all came together in a way that was logical, and beautiful.I don't want to post spoilers, but please do not walk out on this movie because of the lengthy periods of sex and gore; it will all be worth it at the end.
Hell Ride Movie Review from The Massie Twins
posted on 09 Jul 2009Quentin Tarantino once said that to succeed in the film industry you had to make your own Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs. Writer/actor/director Larry Bishop seems to have taken that advice a little too literally with Hell Ride and concocted a messy homage that borrows much too heavily in its visuals, music, camera-work, and time-altering storytelling. But to properly mimic a Tarantino film, one has to have a knack for constructing creative conversations; unfortunately Hell Ride's primary derailing element is its atrocious ramblings and vulgar monologues that only work to disgust and confuse the audience while simultaneously invoking pity for the actors just for being involved.The anti-hero protagonist biker gang, The Victors, consists of several weathered vigilantes who bring their own brand of bloodthirsty justice to the lawless roads. The leader, Pistolero (Larry Bishop), is hell-bent on revenge and putting out fires. The Gent (Michael Madsen) just tries to balance his chaotic, psychotic symphony of life with putting lead into anyone who crosses his boss, and Comanche (Eric Balfour) follows with a fierce loyalty and a mysterious past.On the villainous front, Deuce (David Carradine) is the mastermind who orchestrates from afar, though not quite far enough, and Billy Wings (Vinnie Jones) spits venom and lewd explanations for his tattoos while toting a harpoon gun and a general disdain for life. While these characters might sound interesting on paper, once they're forced to rant horrendously ill-conceived dialogue all traces of cool disappear faster than the funding should for Bishop's next film.While Hell Ride is riddled with imperfections and missed opportunities, the main facet of its undoing lies in the poorly devised conversations. And because Bishop's main influences are the talky films of Tarantino, there are a lot of them. The first twenty minutes of the movie are nearly unintelligible and would probably make as much sense muted. By the time Pistolero's main squeeze is introduced and certain phrases are overused to the point of nausea, you'll pray for both death and the ability to turn the sound off. Even Dennis Hopper has trouble remaining cool while spouting off such goofy dialogue.Have you ever repeated a word or phrase to yourself so many times that it just doesn't sound right or even make sense anymore? Bishop starts there and then keeps the madness going until you envy the characters on screen getting their heads cut off. And when the dialogue finally takes a break, we're treated to interspersed shots of nude female oil wrestling and throats being slashed. I'm not sure what effect Bishop hoped to attain, but I doubt he found it.Hell Ride wants to pay homage to Quentin Tarantino films, Robert Rodriguez films, and every movie that idolizes the violent and devil-may-care attitudes of bikers. But while its intentions may be noble, the horrendously cringe-worthy dialogue and the hyper-stylized timeline-mangling editing prevents the audience from becoming invested with the generic tough-guy characters. By the time we figure out the mystery behind the characters' motives (and it may be awhile before you even realize there's a mystery to be solved), it's just too hard to care anymore. And while everyone on screen is clearly having fun, they've entirely neglected to translate any of that entertainment to the audience.- Joel Massie
weird
posted on 07 Jul 2009heck. that movie is so weird. characters say only stuff like 1. let's kill him. ho ho 2. i will kill you. ho ho 3. who killed her ? he he 4. when do we uh... kill him ? ho ho this movie is of course pointless like many others. but sometimes it was so hard to follow the point of the story itself. ho ho i believe when your movie has a limited budget the only thing that can save you is dialogues. maybe the creators didn't have enough imagination to actually create good dialogues. but the worst thing is they had no imagination to solve this problem. hey, why don't you propose your crew an offer - one bottle of whiskey for one great line. 100 great lines x USD 100 for a bottle = USD 10,000. they could cut the budget and use less bikes and naked girls but the story would have been much better. but of course it couldn't have happened. since every screenwriter and director thinks he is unique and smart and will never let other-not-so-unique-and-smart folks mess with the project. so my idea is as pointless as Hellride. he he
A fun ride and a very cool trailer
posted on 07 Jul 2009If you're not into the 3B's "Beer, Bikes & Booty" then this movie may not be your thing. But if you are then it can be a fun ride. Michael Madsen is at his best in roles like this. He is right at home on a bike. It's great to see someone who can actually ride in a movie about bikers. And Dennis Hopper? Biker film legend. It's awesome to see him back on a bike. There's lots of nudity & some pretty graphic murders so again -it's not for everyone. Vinnie Jones is the coolest guy on the planet & he rock as 'Billy Wings.' There all kinds of bikes - Harleys, Choppers, even a Triumph. That's the way it was in the biker films and this is a great tribute to the old biker films. Fast & Fun. Here's the link to the trailer: HTTP://www.comingsoon.net/hellrideredband.php
It's not awful, but it is a pretty rough ride.
posted on 03 Jul 2009To say this movie is bad would be to simplify matters to the extreme and with the exception of Hell Ride's plot, nothing in this life is that simple.So what's wrong with it exactly... Larry Bishop. The guy must have balls the size of two small dogs to think he could pull this off. Bikes, beer and booty makes for one great cocktail but bikes, beer, booty and bishop... not so good.The story is interesting, the theme is great, the cast, characters and acting are over the top but welcome, hell, even the directing is good but Larry, why did you have to put yourself in it as the lead? Casting yourself as the lead is a step too far. This isn't going to get you any leading actor roles but will most certainly deem you to a life of character bit parts and walk ons. Larry successfully delivers some of the most ham-fisted dialogue in the most atrocious of displays of acting ever witnessed on celluloid. I can't even bring myself to disgust the batman-esq vocal shenanigans but it's poor.I am beginning to meander almost as badly as this movie. So in a nutshell: Great cast, great concept, compelling direction, terrible, terrible lead acting.
Larry got it right in my view
posted on 15 Jun 2009I've only read the first page of comments and a I think everyone is missing the point of the movie. It is a deliberate "B" movie folks. Grindhouse all the way. Yes, the other commenter's are correct, the dialog is not Q-ish, but then Larry is not Quentin. Although he did seem to relish in his line from "Kill Bill, Vol 2", "Shut the f-ck up"! while talking to Budd or the Gent, which he used twice in Hell Ride. I really enjoyed the movie. I applaud Larry for making the move to directing and writing. And I am sure, that is true with anything you do, he will get better with age and experience. I also like the fact that the Tarantino regulars stick together thru it all. Madsen being the ultimate bad guy!! It was kind of freaky seeing Carradine tied up and the garroted by Bix considering what just happened to him. Almost prophetic, you think? All I can say is "Go Larry"!! I will become a follower, count on that>
look man...
posted on 13 Jun 2009In my opinion, this movie is not that terrible. Yes, there could be a better plot, but the really nice thing is that outlaw bikers are portrayed the way they are supposed to be. Unlike in other movies,(i.e Wild Hogs) where the outlaw gang is swayed but the words of a few "Weekend Warriors". I know that being a biker has changed in todays terms, but there are still a few 1% outlaws out there. And they sure don't like being made fun of. They live, breathe, and die for their colors. That is what this movie shows... true outlaw bikers doing things the way Hunter S. Thompson had written books about.P.s. It is sure nice to get a break from all this c.s.i, law and order crap they are playing into the ground. D.i.l.l.i.g.a.f... If you cant figure it out by now... you never will.
Great
posted on 11 Jun 2009I was in Sundance for a screening of Hell Ride and thought it was fantastic. It was the last movie I saw before I left and it was a perfect one to leave on. I had no idea what to expect when I went in but my friends and I totally loved it. The story comes together well and is anchored by an all star cast. The action keeps the pace of the film moving without swallowing any of the characters performances. The movie makes you want to go out and get on a motorcycle and hit the open road. If one of the WildHogs grew some balls, took acid, and went all the way with a chick from Beyond Thunderdome then their badass son would be Hell Ride! Quentin is definitely back if he was ever even gone!
One of the Worst Movies Ever Made
posted on 07 Jun 2009Larry Bishop directs, writes, and leads this soft core porn, plot less biker movie about nothing to do with anything. To call this one of the worst movies of 2008 is being kind to the garbage that I spent money on while in theaters. Its one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I felt sorry for the girls mostly, who probably think they're in the making of a feature film, when in all reality they're making a porno. They walk on the set for four days, say some sexual lines to disgusting old men -- thirty years older than them -- then take off their cloths, and run around naked for the four days they're on set. I can only assume this was Larry Bishops only way to get laid. You see shot after shot directly on a girls asses. Shot after shot of Bishop walking up to some random chick and grabbing her most intimate parts, as if he were shaking her hand. How this crap was even funded is beyond me. Why Tarantino has his name on it is beyond me, but he's been slowly fading away since 1994, so I can't say I was surprised.After 15 minutes, you get that awful feeling that only horrible (and I mean horrible) movies give you. When you see it in theaters, the pain you feel is amplified. After 15 minutes, I wanted to cry for being so stupid, and wasting, not only my time, but my hard earned ten dollars. There isn't one redeeming quality, or one moment in the movie that creates any kind of reaction or shows any kind of inclination that these people had any idea of what they are doing. If you don't see naked women all that often, then I guess this movie would be for you. If you're eleven-years-old, you will probably like it. You can't even laugh at it, because every idiot making it was laughing about the crap they were making. The acting is awful, the writing is awful, the production is awful, and the directing is awful. It's not even worth your time renting it to see the car crash. Stay away, stay very far away. You shouldn't even be reading these reviews. I shouldn't even be writing one.
Why god why?
posted on 01 Jun 2009Once upon a time Quentin Tarantino was a relatively successful filmmaker.Now, unfortunately, he not only makes terrible films, but puts his names to ones like this.A supposedly cool retro flashback to biker movies of the 60s and 70s, this plumbs new depths.Believe you me, I enjoy it when a blouse falls off in a film more than the next man but even I felt kind of sleazy watching this. To use a word I never thought I would, its msysoginistic (you see, I can't even spell it.) The plot (in the vaguest sense of the term) is as incomprehensible as Vinnie Jones' accent, the fact his terrible acting does not stand our particularly is as damning a testament as one can think of.This is just terrible. Shocking. It almost made me cry. In horror.
Tries too hard... and fails.
posted on 01 Jun 2009Director/lead Larry Bishop tried way, way too hard with Hell Ride. The movie wants to be edgy, witty, provocative, outlandish, biting all of this, seemingly in a Quentin Tarantino/Rob Zombie style. But it's not edgy. The references seem forced. The dialog tries to be clever and fails. The humor is never funny. Nice try setting a gritty tone but we'd have to care about the characters or the story for it to remotely succeed.What you're left with are cool Harleys and pretty girls surrounding a bunch of tired, old and out of shape "bad boys" in what looks like an attempt to do a modernized Sergio Leone western. If this movie can make newer generations interested in 60s and 70s films, kudos for it. But on its own, it is rather boring and irrelevant. I do believe there is a place for style over substance. But this movie is not it.
A ton of B stars in a C movie
posted on 28 May 2009This is one of those movies that you can enjoy while your brain is outside of your head. The writing, acting, and directing are so mediocre that this film probably should have been animated to save someone money. That said, it was enjoyable and it was nice to seen damn near every active B actor/actress make an appearance in this film.My advice: This is a decent film as long as you have no expectations. You should also consider getting high and/or drunk while watching as this will improve the quality of the picture.Notes:The sex scenes are very softcore and should be the reason to watch this film.Micheal Madison must owe a lot of child support because he seems to accept every job thrown at him. How do you go from Kill Bill and Sin City to this?There is very little gore in this film, much less than QT would have asked for. But QT wasn't really part of this project and I doubt they had the budget for really good gore.Vinne Jones has pretty much admitted that his USA acting career is over with this role. It's one thing to agree to a B-movie, but to not even put real effort into the role?The ending should have gotten Larry Bishop shot of plagiarism.
Some friends getting together to make a bad film.
posted on 18 May 2009This film is so bad its good. Its one of those films you later watch every time its on because it's so bad. I had no idea what was going on until the end of the film. Most of the time I was laughing so hard I missed some of the choice dialogue. The writer director shouldn't give up his day job. I love the scene with the director who by the way puts himself in as the lead that alone is hilarious!! Anyway, he's making out with the woman who's cleanly a guy. I thought that was going to come out later in the story, but no, at least that would've been interesting. Did Bishop not see, The Crying Game? Now that was a good movie. The only reason people will see this movie is it has Tarantino's name attached to it. It's no worse then, Hostel and that guy has made a name for himself.
Not for everyone but no where near as bad as some people make it out to be
posted on 12 May 2009I went into this movie expecting the worst after reading all the previous comments. Everyone's entitled to their opinion but to say this is the worst movie ever is ridiculous.I was fairly entertained through out the entire movie and am glad i decided to check it out. I thought the acting was pretty good. Yes the dialogue could have been better in some parts but who cares really.At times i was a little confused but that just made me want to watch more and find out what was going on.I VERY rarely write a review but with all the negative comments thought I'd voice an opinion.
Eeeek! Vinnie Jones is BADLY miscast in this IMO
posted on 10 May 2009Well, it's another of those films with Tarantino's name on it that promises much but fails to deliver anything. If only he was as good an executive producer as he was a director, this would be pretty cool. Instead we get an admittedly well-shot but ultimately fairly non-captivating biker flick, which sees Dennis Hopper underact with a flat performance, and Vinne Jones... well... sucks, basically. He needs to work on his accent - if he'd been cast as a British import on a Triumph or BSA it would have been a tacky but acceptable cameo, or if he was as good at nailing an American accent as, say, Stephen Fry in House it might not have been so bad, but as it is, he's neither one, the other or a decent blend thereof. As a 'neo-grindhouse' movie a bit of strategic film 'ageing' might have helped a lot a la Rodriguez & Tarantino's homage to the houses of grind. Furthermore this film doesn't excel at being bad either, like 'Planet Terror' - it's decidedly mediocre. With this cast they could have made an awesome B movie but this is neither B nor A. As it is, Hellride is ultimately forgettable, I just hope Rodriguez manages to make 'Machete' as good (or as bad) as its trailer, as this is true to the neo-grindhouse form.
LOL at the phony tough guy Pistolero!
posted on 04 May 2009This movie has been playing recently on Cinemax so I checked it out. The first thing I noticed was the totally unbelievable character playing the leader of the Victors motorcycle gang. Looks like a guy you'd expect to see in a tanning salon or getting a manicure. Then I got on the board and learned that this was the director. I should have known! Nobody could make that bad of a casting decision unless it was the director himself. Another poster wrote that the lead actor's weakness was most obvious in a scene with David Carradine and that is completely correct. Carradine is about the only actor who tried in this disaster. I don't know who paid for this slop but it's really pathetic. Pathetic could be forgiven if it was otherwise funny or entertaining but that's not the case. It's such an obvious rip-off of Tarantino's style and, let's face it -- that's getting stale too.
This type of film gives 'biking' a bad reputation.
posted on 20 Aug 2009Larry Bishop, the Writer/Actor/Director, focuses too heavily on the camera, music, and visuals. The film resorts to meaningless ramblings and vulgar monologues, which seem to have no purpose other than boring and irritating the audience. The actors experience a bumpy ride, from the film's start to finish, and are caught in one terrible smoke screen. The hell with the ride. The film is a bomb.The Victors are presented as weathered vigilantes, who seek their own form of justice for what they see as lawlessness. They are bikers, anti-heroes, and protagonists. Pistolero, played by Larry Bishop, is the revengeful leader of the pack. The Gent (Michael Madsen) is trapped in his own crossfire of chaos and psychosis. Comanche (Eric Balfour) is loyal, but mysterious. Deuce, performed by David Carradine, should have passed on the ride, and so should the ticket-buyers (if you decide to see the film, you'll be sorry, but you'll find out why). Billy Wings (Vinnie Jones) is a lewd and venomous character, completely filled with disdain.What puzzles me is how this film, with all of its continual ramblings and vulgarity, ever got anybody to invest in a ride that absolutely goes nowhere. Ticket-buyers, take my advice: don't pay for the ride. Please don't make the same mistake as the investors.The first fifteen minutes, or so, of the movie is confusing and unintelligible. The dialog, which rapidly turn into meaningless monologues, doesn't make any sense. The entire film is hell bent on going nowhere. Poor Dennis Hopper is caught in the middle of a real mess. He, too, should have passed on the ride. There are decapitated heads, slashed throats, and nude females wrestling. It is clear that Bishop doesn't know where he is going with the film. He gets entirely lost. But, by the end of the ride, you just won't give a damn. Mama Mia! Stay home. And, by all means, don't take the ride. I rate this film a 1 out of 10, but this movie is so awful it deserves a zero.