Witless Protection Movie
Storyline
TAGLINES
Protecting America's assets.
The story centers on a small-town sheriff who witnesses what he believes is a kidnapping and rushes to rescue a woman. The kidnappers turn out to be FBI agents assigned to protect her and deliver her to a big Enron-type corruption trial in Chicago but are later found to be on the take and are villains who are bent on killing her.
| Larry The Cable Guy | Deputy Larry Stalder |
| Richard Bull | Sheriff Smoot |
| J. David Moeller | Elmer |
| Will Clinger | Bo |
| Omar Dykes | Gus |
| Reno Collier | Tater |
| Jenny McCarthy | Connie |
| Yaphet Kotto | Alonzo Mosely |
| Ivana Milicevic | Madeleine |
| Dan Waller | Agent Orange, MIB #1 |
| Rick Le Fevour | MIB #2 |
| Joseph Luis Caballero | MIB #3 |
| Sean Bridgers | Norm |
| Gerry Bednob | Omar |
| Charles Robert Carner |
1.60 out of 10 (1564 votes)
Visitor Reviews
Unfairly Maligned
posted on 06 Feb 2009Now, I don't think this was a great movie. It's something to watch when you're at home with nothing to do and it happens to come on T.V. Maybe something to pick up out of the bargain bin at your local video store when it's for sale for $2.00. But that said, I did find it entertaining in places, and I don't think it deserves to be in the bottom 100 movies of all time.I try to generally be forbearing of all kinds of humor. But exactly what is funny about a disgusting, boorish, stupid buffoon with zero redeeming qualities who is exaggeratedly and impossibly inept at everything he does but nonetheless manages to be perceived as some kind of hero or genius by law enforcement/the populace is and has been lost on me since I was a child. That is what Larry the Cable Guy is in Delta Farce and Health Inspector. I guess this is also what makes people like his comedy, but on stage he is just some (fake) redneck talking and making redneck jokes, so I can at least understand people finding that humorous. He is not in charge of anything, he is not responsible for the health of a town, nor does not have an armed humvee filled with weaponry. I can't sympathize with his stupid characters.In this movie at least, I can sympathize with his goals, because they're actually human. He is a small town cop who naively dreams about being in the FBI. He is bumbling but nonetheless capable of moments of competence and of surprising cleverness. He has areas of actual expertise, a world view that can be understood, the morals and ethics of a decent (if backwards and unsophisticated) person. He feels like a real person. And I like that.Witless Protection isn't that funny a movie. But it's more entertaining than the majority of made for T.V. capers you see these days. It has its moments. I really don't see how it can possibly be lower rated than his other movies. It's not 'mindless,' more intelligent than Health Inspector and Delta Farce, and nowhere near the level of movies like Gigli and Daddy Day Camp.
proof that witlessness can actually be fun
posted on 02 Feb 2009Larry Stalder is a small town sheriff's deputy with a sagging midsection and a grandiose dream of one day becoming an agent for the FBI. He doesn't exactly enhance his chances of fulfilling that dream when he "rescues" a woman whom he mistakenly believes has been kidnapped by what he thinks is a gang of sunglass-wearing mobsters. In actuality, they are federal agents transporting a whistle-blower to a trial in Chicago where her testimony could spell big trouble for a powerful, Enron-type CEO with whom she was once romantically involved. A lengthy cross country chase ensues with the agents hot on the heels of this nitwit law enforcer and his unwitting "hostage." Armed with crime-fighting knowledge he's gleaned primarily from cable TV, and with a malapropism for every occasion, Larry bumbles his way from one outlandish situation to the next, somehow managing to stay one step ahead of the authorities at all times.Larry the Cable Guy has that rare ability to perform low comedy routines without having to resort to self-conscious mugging to garner laughs. Likewise, Ivana Milicevic, Eric Roberts, Joe Mantegna, Jenny McCarthy and a whole host of other comic actors throw themselves into their roles with a great deal of abandon and aplomb.The humor is broad (to put it mildly), but it is more often fleet-footed than flatfooted, and the whole enterprise is so dopey and good-natured that you may just find yourself chuckling right along with all the goofiness - provided, that is, you can put your brain on hold for the full hour-and-a-half that the movie takes to play itself out.
Slight of fat
posted on 13 Jan 2009This is one of those slight-of-hand smart comedies, which explains why its target audience hated it so much. A bit too intellectual for them.A lot of the stuff involves dumb gags, silly (and easily seen over-the-top) stereotypes, and the acting is not going to win any awards for comedy or otherwise. But it is all wound up into an enjoyable story and directed well enough that even Eric Roberts is able to handle his role. It also has enough complexity and subtlety to keep it interesting (provided you're able to make it through the first 10 minutes, which really is bad, but does still tie into the story).Maybe the problem is that the target audience can't handle the memory required to get past the first 10 minutes.
Pathetic!
posted on 03 Jan 2009Oh, man did I get done watching "Witless Protection" and let me tell you what, it's a piece of crap! I don't understand why Larry The Cable Guy continues to make crappy movies that nobody cares to watch unless you're a redneck or a total idiot. God, helps us if you're up there not playing poker.I don't know where to begin.Basically in "Witless Protection" Larry the Cable Guy plays a law enforcer wannabe who's seen too many programs of "Cops" and other police shows in thinking he can be a law enforcer in which he's nothing but one big joke to the community. He ends up kidnapping a foreign babe who's an actual witness and not someone kidnapped.Larry The Cable Guy is not even cool enough to have his own sitcom or even start his pathetic movie line up of films from "Health Inspector" to "Delta Farce" and they failed more times than films that became cult classics. This film nor will any film featuring Larry the Cable Guy in live action movies will ever be classics, even when he's dead, they'll be burning in the bonfires.The Good: Nothing! The OK: Jenny McCarthy's hot body.The Not: EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS FILM SUCKS!!! Overall, I have better movies to watch. This wasn't even my fault in watching this movie, it was my dad's fault and he even fell asleep where I just walked away and did something else.
Witless vs The Election
posted on 26 Dec 2008This really is an OK movie. Only the most uptight of folks would find this that awful. The Good - Jenny, Ivana, Larry, stereotypes, mindless fun, witless conversation, Mississippi scenes (kinda looked like Illinois to me though), multiple mammary closeups, ....The Bad - Jenny, Ivana, Larry, stereotypes, mindless fun, witless conversation, Mississippi scenes (kinda looked like Illinois to me though), multiple mammary closeups, ....Simple stupid entertainment. As for my vote, well it was like deciding the presidential vote. We deserve better, but Obama(Ivana), Hilliary (Larry), and John (Jenni) are higher than ones, but not even close to tens, So I guess I will have to give them 5's and flip a 3 sided coin in the booth. Likewise, witless is worth probably less than a 5, but the predominate vote of 1 forces my rating of 10, at least as idiotic as the many who rated it a one.Whats a Southern boy to do?
Better Than What Other Reviewers Say
posted on 21 Oct 2008I decided to watch this movie despite all of the bad reviews. It's a good thing I saw one review that said otherwise. I agree with that one single review out of all the reviews. It is definitely not a bad movie at all. I was laughing a lot while watching this movie and that doesn't happen to often with me. I've watched movies with high ratings only to feel like my time was stolen from me. So don't go by all the negative reviews that you see. I am not one of those that enjoy slapstick comedies much but this one has a thumbs up from me. Larry the Cable Guy was great in this movie. Although it was not believable (I watch movies to escape from reality) it was a humdinger.
As good as i expected!!!!!
posted on 11 Oct 2008Which was not very. I didn't want to watch this movie. I mean after Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector and Delta Farce, I nearly ripped my cousin apart for dragging me to see them. But I wanted to see a movie and this was just about the only thing that I had not already seen. I had to have a little hope since I'm a big Blue Collar fan. But, Witless Protection was packed with not-so-funny jokes and idiotic situations that only a certain buck-toothed, slovenly demographic will laugh at. If you were insulted by the preceding sentence, then this movie isn't for you either as it is offensive itself. Jenny McCarthy is fun to look at. But that doesn't makes up for the rest of this "movie" in no way whatsoever. Stick to animated movies, Larry.1/10
PG-13, Redefined!!!
posted on 30 Aug 2008In a nutshell, Witless Protection offends anyone with the minimum IQ of a shoe! That's about it. If you're still interested and want to know what my reasons are, keep reading...I'm a 28 years old white English man with no religious preference and a skin as thick as a rhino when it comes to sense of humour and tolerance for bad jokes and sarcasm. I watched Witless Protection with the one intention: to have a silly laugh while eating greasy Chinese take away.Believe it or not, I've always found these retarded redneck flicks kind of funny. But good God, this movie is far from funny, let alone retarded!!! I lasted about 20 minutes. I'm now here typing this. Chinese was delicious, by the way. Thanks for asking! I'm truly amazed how they actually let this go public. Fair enough, the guy is a fat redneck racist. That's none of my business. It is my business however, to at least be surprised when I see him reaching for the microphone so easily. How is it that none of the good Christians - who are so afraid of breasts and wet kisses - find the non-stop racism in Witless Protection to be suitable for over 13 is beyond me! Hypocrisy at it's best, that's what this is.I'd like to see the reaction when this junk gets a DVD release here in the UK. But then again, does anybody really give a stuff?! I doubt it!If you're still here reading, for the love of mankind, don't let your kids watch this utter rubbish. Please.
Give it a rest Larry
posted on 22 Aug 2008Larry the Cable Guy was funny in his Health Inspector movie, but this one is truly dumb and yes outrageously dumb. I do not understand why he was to play a guy named Larry in every single movie. For once just come up with a different first name. The only appealing thing about this terrible movie is looking at Jenny McCarthy, because even though she acted like a complete blue collar piece of trash in this movie, she was still as sexy as she ever was. So basically if I was you I wouldn't waste my time with this movie because it literally belongs on the bottom 100 here on IMDb, because it is just one of those movies that doesn't need to ever be made at all.1/10
hilarious
posted on 22 Aug 2008Forget the other Larry the Cable Guy movies - this one is really funny. There are so many sight gags and one-liners I lost track. I missed half the jokes because I was laughing so hard! It's the funniest movie I've seen since "Knocked Up." The scene with the motel clerk - OMG! The bedroom scene with Larry and Ivana had the whole audience cracking up. The airport scene is unbelievable. And Joe Mantegna is a scream. Jenny McCarthy is funny and super-sexy. Plus, the movie actually has heart. I'm telling everyone I know to see it!
loaded with redneck humor
posted on 14 Aug 2008If you are a fan of the redneck then you will love this movie. Larry the cable guy plays the ultimate country, hick deputy. First he has a hot girlfriend, played by Jenny Mccarthy, which makes you wonder how he could land a girl like her, but that's before she starts talking. She loves all his critters too. Larry sees this hot blond, Madeleine, come in with several suits in a black SUV. His first thought is she's been kidnapped, so he kidnaps her. They get chased by the FBI all the way up to Chicago. Madeleine is a witness. Larry thinks the FBI guys with her are corrupt. He basically gets all these ideas from watching TV shows like cops. And Madedleine has some sort of key and they are looking for a computer disk. It was sort of confusing.Basically, if you watch this, forget about the plot because the movie is all about the redneck jokes. While I didn't find it LOL, it was still amusing. Better than a lot of comedies.FINAL VERDICT: If you like " you might be a redneck if"jokes, then this movie is right up your alley. If you don't like hill billy's then, I say skip this film.
Witless is Right
posted on 26 Apr 2008Larry the Cable Guy (Daniel Lawrence Whitney) is an excruciatingly funny stand-up comedian. He knows how to hit a mark. It's obvious he's disciplined enough to fulfill all the requirements of doing a workmanlike job in front of a camera.Yet.Doing a movie with this level of scripted awfulness is a witless and heartless crime. Why is stupid acceptable? Why waste "Larry?" Because there are enough lunkheads who will pay from seven to ten bucks to see this trash in a theatre (we thought we'd take a chance on it, using a Netflix gift membership, so it wouldn't cost us anything).Witless was the perfect adjective.And no amount of Jenny McCarthy's skin could make this movie any better.
pathetic!!!!!
posted on 29 Mar 2008this guy is a piece of trash just like what he appears in the movies ..... no sense of humor at all... people should be throwing rotten eggs n stuff at him where ever he goes...... please don't waste your valuable time you spare for entertaining yourself watching this piece of crap this guy need to realize hes not for Hollywood.. he should probably go back to his garbage dumpster where he came from ..i cant believe some people rated it any better then 1...it was awful...i am amazed at the level of insanity people mite have around him to tolerate laugh at his pathetic jokes... i just hope he never plans of making a movie again
Unfunny as Hell
posted on 27 Apr 2009This film is unfunny as Hell, with insensitive low-brow jokes and slapstick humor, that not a single joke made me laugh. Larry must be some Ku Klux Klan member of the higher echelons, with his racist remarks and incredulously stupid attempts to make funny jokes.There were many jokes that was insensitive, and I would like to point out one scene where he checked into a motel owned by a middle-aged Moslem. The owner didn't accept cash and only accepted cheque as a policy to check-in. Larry threatened to call his FBI friends to round the owner up under the suspicion of sheltering terrorists and having illegal weapons. It was bad enough that the world's perspective towards Moslems were of Moslems being terrorists, making jokes about it is just unwarranted! It was an hour and a half of time wasted, and I hope that the others find other films to watch.